Wednesday, September 26, 2012

A Little Fantasy Football Recap for my Philly League

Week 3 is over and what in the name of Ed Hochuli is going on?  After Monday night’s debacle apparently Ed and the “real” refs may be back this week.  In the effort to save money the NFL has used replacement refs and has cost a few NFL teams and countless fantasy teams games.  In a related story, in a similar cost saving move both the Iron Shitty Brawlers and the Queers have apparently been using replacement owners.  Carrington was seen with his kids at Gorgas Park in Roxborough Picketing not getting his fantasy winnings from last year.  Never in league history has someone taken not getting paid so far.  When will this insanity end?  For the sake of the integrity of the League, Vasili, pay this man!   

Other stories we are following this week: It appears that Vasili can focus 100% on his fantasy team now that the wedding is over.  Jimbo apparently has contracted a severe case of the Freemans.  Jaitley is still feeling the effects of Hurricane Irene, Doc Dino gets into the win column, The Mustache Rides weren’t who we thought they were, Scotty is in cupcake heaven at 3-0, and Commissioner Schnide rolls at the expense of Local Celebrity; Superstar Johnny Marks.  We look at these stories plus more on this edition of Philly League Fantasy Recap.

In our first game the Commish took on our favorite radio host.  Superstar Johnny looked to go 3-0 while the Commish looked to avoid the dreaded 1-2 start.  The Commish came out firing and took down JMTS 114-87.  The Schnide was led by MJD and in a Ned Flanders move, the Cardinals defense.  Superstar Marks was led by Bears D.  Both teams now sit at 2-1 along with the Skins atop the East division.   It is possible that Marks was looking ahead to this week’s showdown with Tony the Tiger himself, while San Diego’s finest travel to the Tastykake factory to take on the Busters in a matchup of ex-roomies.

Speaking of Jake the Flake and the Skin Flutes they welcomed Mr. Leero himself to town.  Apparently in a sign of solidarity with fellow “replacement” owners JJ and JC, RL decided to have his kids put his lineup this week.  It also appears that after years of ribbing, Jake has finally got rid of the Freeman curse and given it to Jimbo.  Frosted Flake took down Raymond and the Rides 128-56.  Sir Jamaal Charles led the way for Tony while Mikel “jersey” LeShoure.  The most disheartening thing has to be that Jake won the game despite leaving two 24 point plus scorers on the bench.  I think it may be time to state the obvious….that boy good.  Equally as disheartening was Ray Ray leaving 99 total points on his bench.  Yes that is not a misprint; Mr. Leero pulled his best Scotty Balls impersonation.  Perhaps Ray Ray will leave the boycotting to the Jay’s and take over ownership duties of the Rides this week.   Or was it his kids who were making the decisions the first two weeks and Ray who took over ownership duties last week?  We will be investigating……

In our 3rd matchup, something had to give as Dr. Toes and Casper the White Ghost came into the game winless.  When the smoke cleared it was the good Doc getting his first win as Jaitley just can’t seem to figure this game out since he got married last year.  84-49 was the final, Drew “summer” Brees led the way for the league’s #1 ranked podiatrist while Andre “I’m a beast” Johnson paced the brawlers.  Bonehead moves can sum up this one for the Brawlers.  First it was starting Cry me a Rivers over Cotton Schaub at QB.  Someone should take a Schaub to Jaitley’s head.  Then it was pulling the Homer Simpson and starting the Steelers D over the Giants D.  These 2 costly moves proved to be the difference.  Philly League Recap in depth analysis shows that since getting married and then the Northeast getting hit with Hurricane Irene, The Brawlers are just 6-12.  What does it all mean?  Damned if we know.  Maybe it’s the whole replacement owners thing.  Meanwhile Dino, while still the most sucky Barbounis Brother, no longer has to wear the scarlet label of “best of the winless teams”.

In our Game of the WEAK, the defending champs looked to avoid dropping to 0-3 while Scotty too Hotty looked to improve to 3-0.  Injuries have seemed to plague the defending champs this year as they dropped to 0-3 after losing 102-82. Cousin Larry Fitzgerald and Tom Brady led the way for the chumps.  This is a team in trouble.  Let’s hope Carrington gets paid soon as another loss would essentially skunk the Beers.  Meanwhile Reverend Twinkie has quietly established himself as the team to beat in Philly League this year.  Hopefully the pressure isn’t too much to handle.  Although a look back shows that in that magical 2007 season the busters went an incredible 13-2 to capture the teams only Super Bowl.  That year they did it with defense allowing a stingy 77.5 points per game.  This year’s team appears to be opposite, average an obscene 110 points per game.  Time will tell if Chubby Wan will be able to maintain this pace or if the pressure will get to him and he pulls a patented disappearing act.

After our Game of the WEEK we expected to know just how real the Crackers and All-Stars were.  After it was all said and done we found out…..nothing.  In a Game of the WEEK that lived up to all the hype V Funk downed J Funk 88-87 that came down to the wire on Monday night.  The Crackers came in needing Aaron “discount double check” Rodgers to outscore the Green Bay defense by 10 points.  Rodgers did by 8.  The Crackers were led by Mean A.J. Green while V Funk was led once again by Arian “the Nation” Foster.  The win kept Vasili tied with the Busters in the not so Least Division but more importantly kept him 2 games up on Big Bro Dino in the Battle for Barbounis Supremacy.  It appears the Funk is the real deal this year as they keep finding ways to win.  The Crackers remain an enigma.  They have the talent if they can put it together but much like the Phillies this year, let’s hope it’s not too late.  Also a concern is whether or not Jimbo has contracted the dreaded Freeman curse.

Let’s take a look at next week.  In our first matchup ex Parktowne Place Roomies Comminsioner Schnide and Captain Cupcake battle.  This intra division matchup could go a long way in proving that the Least Division is here to stay.  Let’s not forgot in that magical 2007 season, Scotty too Hotty had an 8 game win streak.  Vegas has Rev Twinkie as a whopping 19 point favorite.  Commish Schnide has dominated the series 14-4 including the regular season matchup in 07.  Scotty knows how to win this one….just like the Super Bowl in 07.

Our 2nd game puts the defending Champs vs Lil V.  Lil V is looking to remain atop the Least Division while “they call me” Jay Carrington is looking to avoid the dreaded 0-4 start.  One more lose and it may be time to make some drastic changes….not that anyone would want anyone on that team.  Perhaps the end of the lockout could help J.C. as baby Joey just isn’t cutting it making decisions.  V Punk is a slim 5 point favorite and leads all-time 8-4.  Don’t count the defending champs out yet….they find a way to win.

Game 3 is equally important to the Towels and the Crackers.  A loss would drop both teams to 1-3 and the way that V Funk and the Busters are playing, that’s a huge hole to climb out of.  Both teams are looking for respect and to prove they belong.  Both teams coincidently are looking to win their first Super Bowl.  A loss makes that hard.  The Towels are favored by 1 and lead all-time 7-4….The return of Fab 5 Freddie Jackson isn’t enough….Sorry Dino, every time I pick the Crackers to win they lose….Towels win.

In our Game of the WEAK Double J takes on Double Ray.  Double Jay is in the midst of a historically bad season while Double Ray is well, Double Ray.   Just one week ago we were ready to anoint Double Ray.  The Rides are favored by 5 but have lost 8 of 13 to the white ghost.  We like history…..Rides win.

Our Game of the WEEK is a matchup for East Division Supremacy.  The Skins are out to prove that the Freeman curse has indeed passed on while Local Celebrity Johnny Marks is out to prove that last week’s loss to the Commish was a fluke.  Jake the Flake is favored by 9 but Johnny Marks has dominated 14-6 all-time.  Sorry Jake, sometimes you have to go back to the basics.  Pick the Crackers to lose that means Skins Win.

It’s now time for the world famous, often imitated but never duplicated power rankings.  This week’s power rankings are brought to you by Western Union.  Western Union, the fastest way to send money.  Hey Vasili, Western Union has millions of locations worldwide.

1.  Balls Busters – Living like it’s 2007 all over again.

2. V Funk All-Stars–Slightly edges out the Skins, but are they for real?

3.  Snake Skins– Out to take down Local Celebrity John Marks and finally shed the curse.

4.  San Diego’s Finest– How does he do it?  Will somehow end up being the favorite by gametime.

5.   Jon Marks the Spot– Can make fans forget about last week’s loss by taking out the Skins…but more importantly , does anyone listen to his show any more?

6 Tie.   Terrible Towels– A loss would be more devastating than a cure for bunions.  

6 Tie.   CoalCrackers– Let’s hope this isn’t the start of yet another long losing streak

8.    Mustache Rides – Will they ever get it together?

9.  Beers – Pay the man.  Although not getting paid is no excuse to have a team playing this bad.

10. Iron City Brawlers– Ladies and Gentleman, Jaitley may owner of the two worst teams in league history before it’s all said and done.

There you have it.  Will Carrington get paid?  Can anyone beat the Busters?  Can the Brawlers beat anyone?  Crackers and Towels; poster teams for mediocrity.  Has the Freeman curse been eradicated?  Did I really see someone ask Johnny Marks for an autograph at the last Eagles tailgate?  Find out the answers to all this and more next week on Philly League Fantasy Recap.  Until next time this is Jimbo saying “this has been 2 hours of my life that I’ll never get back”.


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