Thursday, December 22, 2011

How it All Began 2

Last week I posted an example of one of my fantasy recaps.  This is how it all began for us here at Obstructed Views.  I wanted to post another one.  Love to get some feedback to know what you think.  Leave a comment to let us know you dropped by.


The Super Bowl is set.  Commissioner Schnide is taking on JC and the Beers.  5th through 10th places are also set.  In the past this would have set up next year’s draft order.  Instead this year it sets up class system of bragging rights.  Let’s take a look at last week and preview Philly Bowl 11.

In the game that pretty much only Jaitley cared about, the Crackers and the Sportsline All-Stars squared off in the game of the WEAK and 9th place game.  One would think that the Crackers not only would love to put their arch rivals in last place, but would also want to do anything to keep out of 10th place themselves for the second straight year.  Although one would think, one would be wrong.  Jimbo did not change his lineup, kept Greg “Waylon” Jennings in the lineup and clinched the Crackers second straight last place finish, losing 111-103.  (Note that had a change been made the Crack pack still would’ve lost by 1).  Leading the way for the 9th place Brawlers was Tom “Garnier Fructice” Brady.  The Crackers meanwhile were led by CJ Spiller.  The loss ended a disappointing season for the Crackers that started out so promising.  Moving forward, the prospect of having “bitch got out the car looking more like” Freddie Jackson back in 2012 has people in Crackerland excited.  It’s going to take a lot more than that in our opinion.  JJ and the Brawlers are looking forward to not having their draft, auto drafted.

In the 2011 Toilet Bowl Title game (7th Place game), last year’s runner up and this year’s most sucky Barbounis Brother took on the resurgent Mustache Rides.  The Rides were looking to build momentum heading into 2012 while the Doc Dino was hoping to salvage anything from a disappointing season.  The Towels came out like a team with something to prove and laid the smack down on Gay Squared 123-57, clinching 7th place.  Superstar Tony Homo led the way for the league’s top rated podiatrist while Arian “the nation” Foster led the way for Ray Ray.  The question now becomes, when will Mr. Lerro pay his league dues and will he be back in 2012?  Meanwhile the Terrible Toes are looking forward to 2012, and just a year removed from a Philly Bowl appearance the expectations are sky high.

Speaking of putting the smack down the Skins, who were still reeling from last week’s divisional playoff loss, crushed the Least Sucky Barbounis Brother 100-56.  The Skins who were victims of bad luck the week before, clinched their second straight 5th place finish behind the Seahawks defense….yes that Seahawks team.  The LSB was led by Vernon Davis who was one of 2 players to score in double digits for the No Stars.  Vasili looks to an off season that will include wedding bells, calling 5 different people to find out when/if he can cash their checks, and of course trying to track down the elusive Raymond Lerro to try to get him to pay.  Meanwhile Jake will try to figure out how to finish about 5th place…..

In Conference Championship Game 1 Reverend Twinkie took on Commissioner Schnide.  This game wasn’t nearly as close as their last matchup as San Diego’s Finest dropped the Busters 125-85.  The commish was led by Calvin “owns a McDonalds” Johnson and Lesean “the real slim Shady” Mccoy, who both had beast like performances.  Scotty doesn’t know, who hasn’t made the Super Bowl since that magical 2006 season, was led by Drew “Cool Ocean” Brees.  Police are on heightened alert because after such a promising year, the Chubby One was seen in at least a dozen Dunkin Donut drivethrus in the tri-state area after the game.  Eye witnesses say that Scotty wanted every jelly donut in the place.   No word as of press time as to his whereabouts but we’d start by checking Jaitley’s pool house.  The Schnide meanwhile, is looking to win an unprecedented 3rd Philly Bowl Title.  For those scoring at home, that was 37 points for the Busters bench.

Our game of the WEEK was also Conference Championship Game 2.  For the 2nd week in a row, we here at Philly League Fantasy Recap got it right.  This game of the WEEK did not disappoint.  Everyone’s favorite radio star looked to make it two Philly Bowls in a row while Carrington and the Beers were looking to pop their Philly Bowl cherry.  This game went into overtime, as the Queers held a slim 84-78 lead heading into Monday night’s game.  Marks needed 7 points from Mike Wallace to make it back to the Philly Bowl.  Wallace was able to get Marks 6, sending the conference championship game into a tiebreaker which the Beers won based on total TDs.  Tough break for Mikey Miss’s sidekick or something more?  Was this payback for Gates Gate?  Was ESPN, who Marks works for, to blame for the “blackouts” in San Fran?  Did those blackouts hurt Big Ben’s chance to get into a rhythm and thus Wallace’s chance for the extra point (4 yards to be exact)?  The world may never know but one thing’s for sure….(cue Nelson from the Simpsons….Ah HA)

In our 3rd place game, Captain Cupcake takes on JMTS.  No one knows for sure of Scotty’s whereabouts or whether he’ll be there for the game.  Marks is still smarting from the Conference Championship loss last week.  Tons of controversy surrounding this game between ex-roommates.  The Busters lead all-time 12-7 and beat JMTS in week 105-60.  The past two times this season that Scotty was on the lam, the Busters responded well.  This time is no difference.  Scotty doesn’t know how to win a Philly Bowl or even how to lay off the pastries but he does know how to be Marks.

Let’s preview Philly Bowl 11.  The Beers are 2-0 against the San Diego’s Finest this year, winning 117-107 in week 1 and 116-110 in week 6.  The Finest lead all-time 7-6-1.  Who will win? Here’s the Tale of the Tape:

Quarterback – Edge to Beers.  Cam “Fig” Newton has been a pleasant surprise and is capable of going point for point with Aaron Rodgers.  Rodgers is missing Jennings but is more consistent than the rook.

Running Backs – Edge to Finest. The Real Slim Shady McCoy and Darren Sproles are far more consistent than any combination of the injury riddled Cedric Benson, Michael Bush, Bradshaw, Jacobs, and Kevin Smith.

Wide Receivers – Edge Finest.  Both teams’ receivers are pedestrian but Calvin Johnson is a beast.  Hakeem Nicks and Damaryius Thomas are in must win games.  The Beers receivers have been sketchy ever since Andre Beast Johnson went down.  Losing Anquan Boldin hurts but could lead to more looks for Touchdown Torrey Smith.  With Mike Williams and Lance Moore, the Beers are hoping for some luck.

Tight End – Even.  Future hall of famers Antonio Gates and Tony Gonzalez should post good numbers.

Kicker – Edge Finest.  John Kasay should get plenty of looks for the Saints.  Graham Gano could be some looks against Minnesota but the edge goes to the Saints.  Kickers have produced far more points this year than in recent memory.

Defense Special Team – Even.  Both the Titans and Giants are in must win games.  Who will step up?

Intangibles – Edge Finest.  On the surface the intangibles appear to go in favor of the Finest.  After all, they are appearing in their 6th Super Bowl and have won two.  They also are the hottest team in the league right now, leading the league in scoring.  The Beers are banged up.  The Beers have never appeared in a Super Bowl.  Does it mean anything?  Time will tell.

The pick.  Based on the Tale of the Tape the Finest will win their league record 3rd Philly Bowl.  This game will be close enough to make both teams sweat it out on Christmas.  Aaron Rodgers has a huge Christmas performance vs. the Bears to make the Monday night game interesting.  In the end Sproles out performs Moore and Tony G.  The final score?  115-106.  Fans and members of the league everywhere still can’t figure out how the Schnide does it year in and year out.  There must’ve been some magic in the old silk hat Silbs found…..

It’s now time for the world famous, often imitated but never duplicated, Philly League Power Rankings…..Super Bowl edition.  This week’s rankings are brought to you by Puffs tissues.  Puffs, strong enough for even the biggest criers, yet soft enough to protect your nose from irritation.  Puffs, now with Aloe lotion.

1.  San Diego’s Finest – Consistently good this year…..maybe a little too good…..

2. Beers – Made it to the Bowl but can they overcome the injuries?  Maybe a little of the Jimbo reverse curse psychology will help?

3.  BallzBusters – Where is Scotty?  Winning 3rd place can buy a lot of jelly donuts….mmmmmm….donuts…..

4.  JMTS– The NCAA is investigating involvement in 2 of the league’s worst controversies this year. Gates Gate as well as the Blackout……

5.  SnakeSkins – For the second straight year, Jake pleads the 5th.

6.  V Funk Allstars –At least you’re the least sucky Barbounis Brother….

7.   Terrible Towels – Disappointing after appearing in the Philly Bowl last year….so close to being LSB but once again is the Most Sucky Barbounis Brother….cheer up Dino, you’re still my favorite Podiatrist.

8.    Mustache Rides– How did this team ever win a Philly Bowl?

9.    Iron City Brawlers – Looking forward to 2012 and putting the whole draft day, Hurricane Irene fiasco behind him.   He, at least you’re better than the Crackers.

10. CoalCrackers –7 losses in a row to end last season.  6 losses in a row to end this season.  One of three teams never to win a Philly Bowl along with the Beers and Towels.  (The now defunct, Bubs Subs and Philly Phreaks do not count)  The only original member never to win a Philly Bowl.  Do we need to go on…….

Well there you have it.  It’s been a great season.  We may or may not be back next week (all depends on the timing).  If not be sure to tune in next year.  Good luck to everyone playing in a meaningful game.  Merry Christmas to everyone and until next time this is Jimbo saying, “I’m favored to beat TBA by 87!”

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