Sun of a Beach

As everyone is still nursing their holiday weekend hangovers, I want to go over some observations from Cape May this past weekend.  Now, keep in mind what I saw was in Cape May but I think these observations are transferable from beach to beach and state to state.

1.       People riding bikes – This is a problem for me anywhere but really stuck out this past weekend.  I understand that it’s easier to rent a beach cruiser to get from point A to point B at the beach.  However, who the hell do you think you are?  Are you a cop?  An ambulance? The Coast Guard?  No.  You are some schmuck who is too damn lazy to walk.  I’m on vacation too.  I want to relax.  What gives you the right to think that you have the constant rightaway?  My car is a helluva lot heavier than your "beach cruiser”.  I’m all about sharing the road, more so after training for the Tri and seeing how some motorists treat cyclists.  But, most cyclists are pricks who don’t follow the traffic laws.  Follow the laws and maybe I won’t run you over.  The only thing worse than beach bikers are bikers in the city who pay hundreds of dollars for the “official” Amoroso team racing gear.  Douchbags.

2.       Sidewalk walking – Just like the people riding bikes, I get you’re on vacation.  So am I.  I also get that there is no hurry to get anywhere.  Most of the time, unless I’m leaving or really hungry neither am I.  But come on people.  No need to walk 3-4 deep, on sidewalks that are already too narrow, with your bad ass kids who you can’t control, forcing me to walk in the streets (and almost get hit by a biker….kind of ironic).  This is common courtesy.  Move to the side to let people pass.  Oh, and control your damn kids.

3.       Paying to get on the beach – Never understood this.  Does the city of Cape May (or insert your beach here) physically own the beach?  Seems to me it was there when Dutch/Quakers first settled the area.  Now you own it and have the audacity to charge me to use it?  For what?  What exactly does that money get me?  Littered sand and dirty ocean water?  Seriously, what?  Not every beach in the country is like this so why here?  No wonder the Native Americans hated you.  Douchbags

4.       Beach Etiquette Part 1 - This is another that I’m unsure of.  People bitching that my umbrella is blocking their sun.  Huh?  Your sun?  Now, if I came to the beach and deliberately put my umbrella where it blocked the sun (note it’s not your sun) then I’m the douchebag.  Other than that move.  Seriously.  There are miles of beach that you can move to soak up your sun.  I love the beach, but I have pale Scottish/Irish skin.  I need that umbrella to be protected from “your sun”.    Also, no need for the attitude.  Here’s a quick science lesson.  The Earth rotates on its axis once every 24 hours.  Therefore the sun is never in the exact same spot so therefore my umbrella will eventually block “your sun”.  I suggest you make like the Earth and “rotate” to another spot.  Besides, I spend good money to put my umbrella up and block the sun.

5.       Beach Etiquette Part 2 – This is for the ladies.  Ladies, under no circumstance ever in your life should you wear a bikini if you have a gut bigger than mine.  Seriously, nobody wants to see it.  Truth is, I saw too many women who were built more for Sumo Wrestling than Miss America wearing 2 piece bathing suits.  Stop.  Now I know there are many guys on the beach that probably shouldn’t be shirtless either.  There is a double standard.  I know this.  I didn’t make it up.  Before you leave the house, check yourself.  If you can’t see your toes, wear a one piece.  For the sake of all of us.

6.       AC – This drives me crazy the most.  I know you’re near the ocean and get the sea breeze but it gets hot.  So why do a lot of businesses and restaurants not have air conditioning?  It’s hot.  I don’t want to sweat while I’m eating or shopping.  Plus I’m already paying your ridiculously high prices to begin with, so why not splurge to keep your customers happy?  If you’re concerned about electric prices, maybe you can call the people who charge me to use the beach?  I’m sure they may have some to spare.

Monday Evening 4-Pack (I know its Tuesday.  It’s a holiday week so leave me alone)

Motorcycles

While I’m on the topic of cyclists, motorcyclists piss me off too.  As I was stuck in traffic Friday afternoon, I saw 5 motorcyclists ride up the shoulder to avoid traffic.  Where were the cops?  Probably at the beach enforcing the beach tag law.  Had I’d done that in my car I would’ve received looks and probably had been pulled over.  So why not the motorcyclist?  These guys are another bunch who are “above” the law.  I constantly see them riding in and out of traffic like they are on bicycles.  They whine just as much as bicyclists about getting no respect on the road.  Guess what?  Just like the bicycle my car weighs a lot more.  Here’s a thought.  You want people to give you respect?  Follow the traffic laws and don’t be an idiot.  Until then, you get what you deserve.

Boys II Men

Did anyone else catch Boys II Men performing on the Parkway last night?  I saw it on TV and I have a couple questions.  1.  What the hell was up with Wanya’s hair?  Is it a religious thing?  A political statement?  Either way it looks weird.  Also, lay off the tastykakes buddy.  2. I thought there were 4?  I only saw 3.  Now Motown Philly makes no sense….(one day back in Philly, 4 guys wanted to sing…..maybe that’s why there was an extended acapella mix?) Granted, the deep voiced guy really only talked the really deep part on End of the Road.   By the way, the Roots are incredible and Michael Nutter is a moron.

Kiss

While we are on the subject of music, what’s up with Kiss?  I love Gene Simmons Family Jewels.  (I know, I’m a sucker for some reality shows)  However, as I started to think about it, what songs do they sing?  All I know is “I wanna rock and roll all night, and party everyday”.  Can anyone name one?  They must sing something.  They have a greatest hits album and tons of merchandise.  Millions of people love them.  Are they a great band or is Gene Simmons one of the greatest marketing/Public Relations men ever???

Pete Rose

This whole Pete Rose deal still irks me.    Why is this man not in the Hall of Fame?  He is hands down one of the greatest hitters to ever play the game.  Other than being a jerk (which does not exclude you from the Hall of Fame; I checked) what did he do to deserve a lifetime ban?  Gambling?  Michael Jordan was/is a compulsive gambler.  Oh, he bet on baseball.  Oh, he bet ON his team.  Guess what?  I don’t see a problem with it.  In fact I’ll go one step further; I want the manager of my favorite team betting on his team.  Why?  It will ensure that he is going to make all the right moves because his money is on the line.  Kudos to Pete for that.  Also, is it really that bad of a thing to do?  People have done way worse than something that is legal in a lot of states now.  Drugs, rape, assault, cheating etc.  You punish this man for doing something legal?  Come on.  Jockeys can bet on their horses.  Boxers can bet on themselves.  I agree he shouldn’t bet against his team but he didn’t.  Get over it Major League Baseball.  You have the world by the balls right now with the NFL and NBA being locked out.  Do the right thing.  Let Pete back.

Well there you have it.  Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday weekend.  Like Obstructed Views on Facebook and follow us on Twitter @Obs_Views_Blog  Until next time this is Jimbo saying “if you can’t see your feet, don’t wear a bikini.